Have you ever been given the advice: Expect less of people and you’ll stop being disappointed? I first heard this from a mentor in college (yes, the one who instilled a love for sticky notes).
Despite her good intention, I was never able to accept it. When I discovered lean manufacturing and the poka-yoke error proofing technique, I discovered the display of kindness and respect that comes from reducing complexity and providing a good user experience. Poka-yoke is not a reflection of people’s inability.
As I continued to rebel against the original advice, a textbook “courageous conversation” at work led to a friend sharing his life philosophy: Treat other people better than you want to be treated.
This idea has stuck with me and its proximity to a few famous rules is intriguing. Let’s consider:
The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (Luke 6:31)
According to the USCCB, “This saying, known since the eighteenth century as the ‘Golden Rule,’ is found in both positive and negative form in pagan and Jewish sources, both earlier and later than the gospel.”
The Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like done unto them.
Tony Alessandra and Michael O'Connor explore this idea in their book of the same name. This rule underscores some individuals’ use of DISC and similar style assessments.
This is similar to Merrick Rosenberg of Take Flight Learning’s Home Rule: Treat others how they need to be treated. By elevating “like” to “need,” this rule reflects neuroscience and explains how mirroring someone’s style can build trust and a sense of connection.
NEW The Palladium Rule: Treat other people better than you want to be treated.
Metal Alloy
One can question if these distinctions are without a difference. Others can ponder if improving upon the Golden Rule is appropriate; it’s golden.
What much thought has led me to is that they ring out with the same tenor. The Platinum and Palladium Rules are within the Spirit of:
I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. (John 13:34)
You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31, known as the second greatest commandment. Also found in Leviticus 19:18.)
Contextualize these in light of how St. Thomas Aquinas defined love, namely “To love is to will the good of the other” (CCC para. 1766). This is further explained by Dr. Tom Neal.
Willing the good of another requires choice and commitment; it requires a gift of self. To offer this gift, we should meet others where they are (Platinum) and go one step beyond the apparent call of duty (Palladium). When we go beyond ourselves, when we stretch, when we give until it hurts….we love.
To the Point
Perhaps what we need is an alloy that doesn’t consume the differences but reinforces each metal. I think of a three-tone heart necklace.
If we put the gold, platinum and palladium rules into action in all parts of our lives, oh, how the world would change.
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