The phrase “Yes, and…” has stuck with me since my days of high school link crew. We welcomed bright-eyed freshman by bordering a red carpet and cheering them on as they entered our beloved school. As we interacted with them throughout orientation, we answered their questions with “Yes, and” to promote optimism and empathy. If any challenging situations arose, we placed ourselves on their side through validating their concern with the word “yes.” Then, we stepped into the role of student leader with the word “and.”
For instance, “Yes, this icebreaker is a little silly, and we’re going to have so much fun,” or “Yes, cheese pizza is not my favorite either, and guess what, dessert will be ice cream sandwiches.”
In certain situations, this customer service, empathetic and persuasive approach is the gold standard. In others, I would propose a “No, but” approach.
The Big Capital B
For the circumstances where “yes” feels funny, insincere or inadequate, consider a simple “no.”
When “yes’ feels like a half-hearted sales pitch, sometimes “no” is the best response. Especially in workplace conversations related to policy, conflict or performance feedback, lead with transparency. Employees do not want to be sold to; they want to be spoken with. Level with them by speaking candidly with the due tone and body language.
Admittedly, saying “no” is not easy. However, once the single tough word - the “blow” - is out of the way, transition the conversation with the word “but.” This word refocuses a conversation to what is possible. Once the “no” is ruled out, “but” conveys the facts that will curate the next step.
To the Point
Do not fear saying “no.” Sometimes it is the best answer one could give. Transparency and candor matter; they are their own form of kindness.
“Yes” has its place, “and” so does “No, but.”
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