Everyone remembers the fun of classic conversation hearts, including deciphering the quick inked messages and translating the shorthand before texting lingo was common. While the taste left something to be desired, these candies presented something special and iconic. (My favorite, however, was always the etched SweeTarts brand variety. I wonder why?)
Many of the messages presented a glowing, rosy take on conversation. Lately, this has prompted me to ponder the impact of communication styles in the workplace and on employee recognition. Do we and should we put sugar on what, at its heart, is authentically chalky at times?
Talk to Me, No Really
Certain individuals default to an upbeat and optimistic style of communication…the sunshining, glass half full people. Some days you love them and others it’s “gag me with a spoon.” This communication style is natural for some, while others perceive it as necessary once they reach a level of leadership in order to mirror one’s spunky company culture. However, this style must be balanced and applied with emotional intelligence.
Undoubtedly, forward-looking and hopeful communication is uplifting and can motivate others. The key is grounding this hope in reality and ensuring the conversation explores possibilities in an action-oriented way. If an ungrounded “sugar rush” sends everyone into Willy Wonka’s factory, some will bite the wax cup and leave with a foul taste in their mouths, effectively turning them off to the speaker and making them question his/her trustworthiness.
Be an optimist and a realist. Talk to your team…let them see you with your hair down, let your worry show in measured amounts and gauge the emotions and needs they bring to a conversation. The response to someone’s rough day is not always a smile; often, the response is to simply sit and listen. Look the tough stuff in the face together and recommit to creating a brighter future. This process does not necessitate a Gloomy Gus, but rather a tempering of Susie Sunshine. The opportunity to choose your attitude and be there are powerful. Lean into them.
Overly Sweetened Recognition
Another place that too much sugar creeps in is overuse and misuse of recognition. Gasp?! Say it isn’t so! Indeed, it is.
A level-setting disclaimer – I am a believer that employees do not hear “thank you” often enough. Pleasant manners and small displays of appreciation are merited. The school of thought that “a paycheck is reward enough” is outdated.
However, appreciating others’ work should not lead to a neglect in offering constructive coaching and feedback. A model of recognition that ensures a grateful intention yields meaningful kudos rather than perceived sugar coating is the 4S Model.
Alternatively, the OILS Framework can also be used to structure positive or constructive feedback. It focuses on tying concrete observations to their impacts and creating room for discussion. These two models can ground conversations in lieu of becoming stuck behind thick rose-colored glasses and a droning thank you litany.
To the Point
Conversations should be much more dynamic and open-ended than conversation hearts. Balancing sunshine and sugar with the existing environment is important, and identifying ways to offer short and sweet recognition and feedback is critical.
We should not forgo what is sweet; we should enjoy it in moderation. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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